Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 19^th November will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Coup, which is a very quick little card game of bluffing and back-stabbing, which should give us plenty of time to play lots of other games.

And talking of bluffing…

Jeff was pulled over by a police officer pulls for speeding.  The conversation went like this:

Officer:  May I see your driver’s license please, sir?

Jeff:  I don’t have one – I was caught for drunk driving and had it taken away.

Officer:  Do you have the vehicle registration certificate, sir?

Jeff:  It’s not my car; I stole it.

Officer:  The car is stolen?

Jeff:  That’s right, but come to think of it, I think I saw the log book in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer:  There’s a gun in the glove box?

Jeff: Of course – that’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?

Jeff:  Well, yes.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his sergeant and the the car was quickly surrounded by police.  The sergeant approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Sergeant:  Can I see your license please, sir?

Jeff:  Sure. Here it is.

– It was valid.

Sergeant:  Who’s car is this please, sir?

Jeff:  It’s mine – Here’s the vehicle registration documentation.

– Jeff owned the car.

Sergeant:  Could you please slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

Jeff: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it…

– There was nothing in the glove box.

Sergeant:  Would you mind opening your boot please, sir? I was told you there’s a body in it.

Jeff:  Of course…

– He opened the boot; no body.

Sergeant:  I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Jeff:  Yeah, and I’ll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too…

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
Gunpowder Treason and Plot!
I see no reason, why Gunpowder Treason,
Should ever be forgot…

Given the date, the “Feature Game” could really only be Hanabi, which is an unusual cooperative game about fireworks.  It was also awarded the coveted German Game of the Year award, the Spiel des Jares for 2013.  The original incarnation is as a card game, however, one of the toys brought back from Essen was the “Deluxe” version with tiles, so that may get an outing.

As normal, following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 5^th November will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

Oh, and talking of fireworks…

After having their eleventh child, Jeff went to the doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem, but that it was expensive.  He said, a less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.

Jeff said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don’t see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” replied the doctor, “It will do the job.”

So Jeff went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can.  He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” then he paused, thought a moment, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand…

In order to help one of our members come more regularly, we are switching weeks. So, rather than miss two weeks, we thought we would meet on consecutive weeks instead.  Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 22^nd October will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and need directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Tsuro, which is fast and simple game where players take turns to lay tiles to extend the paths of their own stone trying to keep it on the board longer than anyone else.  However, as the board fills up this becomes increasingly difficult as there are fewer empty spaces left, fewer tiles to choose from and another player’s tile may take your stone in a direction you’d rather not go…

And talking of stones…

Jeff was on a tour visiting Ireland and on the last day they arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.   Now, the tour guide was a very attractive young blond and Jeff was desperate to catch her eye and had been making a bit of a nuisance of himself all week.

“Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone,” the guide explained. “Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it, but perhaps you can come back tomorrow.”

“We can’t be here tomorrow,” Jeff responded, “We are going home.”

“Well now,” the young lady said, “It is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.”

Jeff really thought his luck was in now, “And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone?” he replied enthusiastically.

“No,” she answered without missing a beat, “But I’ve sat on it…”

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 15^th October will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Zooloretto, which is a set collection and “zoo building” game where each player uses their cute animals to attract as many visitors as possible to their zoo.

And talking of zoos…

Jeff was delivering 500 penguins to London Zoo, however, as he entered the city, his truck broke down.

After about 3 hours waiting for help, he flagged-down another truck and offered the driver £5,000 to take the penguins to the zoo for him.

The next day, Jeff was driving through London when he saw the same truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

Furious, Jeff jumped out of his truck and asked, “What on earth’s going on? I gave you £5,000 to take these penguins to London Zoo!”

The truck driver replied, “I took them to the zoo, and I had enough money left over so now we’re going to the cinema…”

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 1^st October will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

As it is our birthday, we have decided to make the “Feature Game” the most popular game that hasn’t been featured to date and that is Dobble (which is basically “Snap”, but brilliant as a filler when you are waiting for people to arrive).

And talking of birthdays…

It was Jeff’s girlfriend’s birthday and he had no idea what to give her.

He spent ages trying to come up with a good present, but in the end in desperation he asked her.

Now Jeff likes girls with expensive tastes, so when asked, she replied, “Oh I don’t know, just give me something with diamonds.”

Unfortunately, Jeff bought her a pack of playing cards…

Due to a combination of work, car problems and bereavement, we have decided to cancel the meeting tonight and our next meeting will be Tuesday 1^st October.  More details will follow nearer the time.

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 3^rd September will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Keyflower, which is a worker-placement and auction game played over four seasons and depicts the growth of villages as new pilgrims arrive by boat.  It is a truly beautiful game with fantastic original artwork, as well as being the sort of game that that really sucks you in.

And talking of pilgrims…

Two pilgrims went out hunting, but one was carrying two blunderbusses.

Jeff, the second pilgrim asked, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”

His friend explained, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can take a second shot.”

Jeff thought about this for a while and then asked, “But why not just take the second one, and only shoot once…?”

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 20^th August will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30 pm as people arrive, until 8 pm when we will start something a little longer.

We decided to have (yet another) go at Agricola, which is about farming in the middle ages.  It is a game we have played several times now, but has proved popular and there are players who haven’t tried it yet.

And talking of farming…

Farmer Jeff’s dog Shep went missing and he was inconsolable, so his wife asked him, “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper to get him back?”

Jeff like this idea, but after two weeks Shep was still missing.

Unable to understand why there had been no response, Jeff’s wife asked, “What did you write in the paper?”

“Here boy.”

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 6^th August will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from about 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” is Guillotine, which is a light card game where the players are trying to behead the least popular nobles.  We’ve chosen this as it is a quick game and then we can play something appropriate to the people who come on the night.

And talking of the Guillotine…

A priest, a thief and an engineer are all slated to be executed by guillotine.

The priest is to be dispatched first and the executioner asks him, “How do you want to face on the guillotine?”

The priest responds, “With my face up, looking toward heaven.”

The executioner accedes and the priest is laid face up on the guillotine.  The executioner pulls the cord, the blade drops, and then miraculously stops within mere inches of the priest’s neck.  The gathered witnesses gasp in astonishment. Everybody agrees that it is a miracle and sign of divine intervention and the priest’s life is spared.

The thief is next. When the executioner asks how he’d like to be positioned the thief responds, “With my face up, looking toward heaven.”

The executioner complies, and the thief is laid down face up.  The cord is pulled. The blade falls, and, as with the priest the blade stops inches from the thief’s neck.  Again the witnesses gasp.  They can understand a miracle occurring with the priest but with a thief! Nonetheless, they take it as a sign from god, and release the thief.

Finally, it’s the engineer’s turn.  Like the other two he wishes to be executed face up, looking toward heaven.

The executioner lays him down, but before he can pull the cord the engineer yells out, “Stop! Stop!”

The executioner pauses, and the engineer, looking up at the guillotine says, “I think I can see the problem…”

Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 23^rd July will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from about 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” is Vasco da Gama, which we played a few months ago and is a resource management game, with an element of risk management.  Players recruit workers, start projects, build ships and sail new commercial routes to eastern Africa and India, to earn money and glory.

And talking of sailors…

A young sailor called Jeff was on his first assignment, guard duty, when he was approached by the Captain, taking his dog for a walk.

Jeff nervously snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, ” Good Evening, Sir!”

The Captain, who was out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening, beautiful night, isn’t it?”

Well it was horrid weather, but Jeff knew enough not to disagree with his Captain, so the he saluted again and replied, “Yes, Sir!”

The Captain continued, “You know there’s something about a stormy night that I find soothing, really relaxing. Don’t you agree?”

Jeff didn’t agree, but then he was just an ordinary seaman, so he responded, “Yes, Sir!”

Then the Captain, pointing to his dog said, “This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.”

Jeff glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said “Yes, Sir!”

The Captain continued, “I got this dog for my wife.”

Jeff simply said, “Good trade, Sir…”