Category Archives: Old News

Next Meeting – 1st Movember 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 1st Movember, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Batavia, which is a medium weight game about merchants visiting the trading posts of the five East India companies all over Asia.

Batavia
– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of traders…

A successful trader parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he prepared to get out a juggernaut went past, too close and completely tore off the driver’s side.  The trader immediately grabbed his mobile and dialled 999.  It wasn’t more than five minutes before a policeman pulled up, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming how his car, which he just picked up that day, was completely ruined and would never be the same again. After the trader finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you traders are,” he said.  “You’re so focused on your possessions you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say that?” asked the trader.

The policeman replied, “Didn’t you realise that your arm is missing from your elbow down? It was looks like it was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The trader looked down in absolute horror.  “$%#*@!” he screamed, “Where’s my Rolex?!?!?!”

Next Meeting – 18th October 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 18th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Game: Extreme, which is a game picked up from the Game Fair last week in Essen.  We’ve played The Game quite a lot, but this new version adds extra instructions on some of the cards that make the game quite a bit more challenging.

The Game: Extreme
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of “the game”…

Jeff was working as assistant manager in a hotel.  They used to get all sorts of people staying, one day a group of chess enthusiasts checked in.  That evening, the gamers were all standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, Jeff came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” one of them asked, as they started to move on.

“Because,” answered Jeff, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Next Meeting – 4th October 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 4th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

To celebrate our fourth birthday this week, the “Feature Game” will be Crappy Birthday.  This is a silly little filler/party game that we can mess about with while people are eating allowing us to play something longer once everyone has arrived and finished the inevitable Essen discussions.

Crappy Birthday
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of birthdays…

It was Jeff’s birthday and, as it was a special birthday, his brother had bought him a special present.  Before opening the gift, Jeff shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.  Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “Is it a bottle of wine?”

His brother shook his head, “No…” So, again, Jeff touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid.

“A bottle of scotch then?” he asked, beginning to get all excited – this was way better than he’d expected.  Again his brother shook his head though, “No, not a bottle of scotch…”

Eventually, Jeff said, “OK, I give in, what is it?”

His brother paused for effect, before answering, “A puppy!”

 

Next Meeting – 20th September 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 20th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Cuba which is a longer game set in Cuba prior to the revolution where, under turbulent circumstances, the villages of the island strive for independent wealth and influence.  Players earn points by shipping merchandise from the harbor, but also by erecting and using buildings, and by abiding by the law.

Cuba
– Image used with permission of BGG contributor jsper

And speaking of Cuba…

When Fidel Castro died he arrived in Heaven in front of the Pearly Gates.  Saint Peter approached and said, “I’m sorry, but you will have to go to Hell.”  So, off Castro went and when he got there, the Devil greeted him warmly, “We’re so glad to have you, welcome, welcome.”

Castro was just settling in, when he realised he had forgotten his suitcases, having left them at the Pearly Gate House.  So the Devil said, “That’s no problem, I’ll send a couple of my minions to fetch it for you.”

Unfortunately, when the two minions got to heaven they found that Saint Peter was out and the gates were firmly closed with the suitcases visible just on the other side.  So, they decided to climb the fence.  Just as they started climbing, Saint Peter returned and saw them.  St. Peter gave a deep sigh and commented, “Castro is in hell for just ten minutes and already we have refugees…!”

 

Next Meeting – 6th September 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 6th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Manhattan Project: Chain Reaction which is a quick little filler card game where players are trying to design bombs using scientists to convert yellowcake into pure uranium.  We have chosen this lighter game so that we have lots of flexibility in choosing what to play for the rest of the evening.

The Manhatten Project: Chain Reaction
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of scientists…

A group of wealthy investors asked three scientists to help them predict the outcome of a horse race.  First they asked a biologist who said they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take two hundred years and £100bn. Next they asked a statistician who reported that he could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of £100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time.

Finally, the investors asked a physicist. He said he could also predict the outcome of any race, and that his process was cheap and very simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The physicist went on, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere…”

Next Meeting – 23rd August 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 23rd August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Abluxxen (also known as Linko!), which is a quick little card-collecting filler game, with foxy art-work and plenty of opportunity to have a go at other players.  We have chosen this lighter game so that we have lots of flexibility in choosing what to play for the rest of the evening.

Abluxxen
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of foxes…

On his way home from work, Jeff found a fox cub on the side of the road.  It wasn’t going to survive the night on its own so Jeff picked it up and put it in his pocket and took it home.  When he got in, Jeff’s wife noticed the little creature straight away and he had to ‘fess up, telling her he was going to keep it as a pet.

“But where are you going to keep it?” she asked.

Jeff thought for a moment, and then replied, “Why, in the bedroom.”

His wife wasn’t pleased, “What about that horrid smell though?” she asked.

“Oh,” answered Jeff, “I got used to it, I’m sure he will too…”

Next Meeting – 9th August 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 9th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Orléans, which is a “bag-building” game where players are trying to gain supremacy through trade, construction and science in medieval France.  It is not a terribly difficult game to understand, though it has quite a bit of depth.

Orléans
– Image used with permission of BGG contributor punkin312

And speaking of the Orléans…

When Jeff was a little boy he would say his prayers before he went to sleep.  Every night he would kneel by his bed and say, “Please God, bless mummy and Daddy and all the other children, Amen.”

Then one night, as his father walked past his bedroom door he heard Jeff say, “Please God, bless mummy and Daddy and all the other children and make Orléans the capital of France, Amen.”

Jeff’s father couldn’t resist, so he went into his son’s bedroom and asked, “Jeff, why do you want Orléans to be the capital of France?”

Jeff replied, “Because that’s what I wrote in my geography test…”