Category Archives: Old News

Next Meeting – 1st Movember 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 1st Movember, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Batavia, which is a medium weight game about merchants visiting the trading posts of the five East India companies all over Asia.

Batavia
– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of traders…

A successful trader parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he prepared to get out a juggernaut went past, too close and completely tore off the driver’s side.  The trader immediately grabbed his mobile and dialled 999.  It wasn’t more than five minutes before a policeman pulled up, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming how his car, which he just picked up that day, was completely ruined and would never be the same again. After the trader finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you traders are,” he said.  “You’re so focused on your possessions you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say that?” asked the trader.

The policeman replied, “Didn’t you realise that your arm is missing from your elbow down? It was looks like it was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The trader looked down in absolute horror.  “$%#*@!” he screamed, “Where’s my Rolex?!?!?!”

Next Meeting – 18th October 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 18th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Game: Extreme, which is a game picked up from the Game Fair last week in Essen.  We’ve played The Game quite a lot, but this new version adds extra instructions on some of the cards that make the game quite a bit more challenging.

The Game: Extreme
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of “the game”…

Jeff was working as assistant manager in a hotel.  They used to get all sorts of people staying, one day a group of chess enthusiasts checked in.  That evening, the gamers were all standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, Jeff came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?” one of them asked, as they started to move on.

“Because,” answered Jeff, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Next Meeting – 4th October 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 4th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

To celebrate our fourth birthday this week, the “Feature Game” will be Crappy Birthday.  This is a silly little filler/party game that we can mess about with while people are eating allowing us to play something longer once everyone has arrived and finished the inevitable Essen discussions.

Crappy Birthday
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of birthdays…

It was Jeff’s birthday and, as it was a special birthday, his brother had bought him a special present.  Before opening the gift, Jeff shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.  Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “Is it a bottle of wine?”

His brother shook his head, “No…” So, again, Jeff touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid.

“A bottle of scotch then?” he asked, beginning to get all excited – this was way better than he’d expected.  Again his brother shook his head though, “No, not a bottle of scotch…”

Eventually, Jeff said, “OK, I give in, what is it?”

His brother paused for effect, before answering, “A puppy!”

 

Next Meeting – 20th September 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 20th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Cuba which is a longer game set in Cuba prior to the revolution where, under turbulent circumstances, the villages of the island strive for independent wealth and influence.  Players earn points by shipping merchandise from the harbor, but also by erecting and using buildings, and by abiding by the law.

Cuba
– Image used with permission of BGG contributor jsper

And speaking of Cuba…

When Fidel Castro died he arrived in Heaven in front of the Pearly Gates.  Saint Peter approached and said, “I’m sorry, but you will have to go to Hell.”  So, off Castro went and when he got there, the Devil greeted him warmly, “We’re so glad to have you, welcome, welcome.”

Castro was just settling in, when he realised he had forgotten his suitcases, having left them at the Pearly Gate House.  So the Devil said, “That’s no problem, I’ll send a couple of my minions to fetch it for you.”

Unfortunately, when the two minions got to heaven they found that Saint Peter was out and the gates were firmly closed with the suitcases visible just on the other side.  So, they decided to climb the fence.  Just as they started climbing, Saint Peter returned and saw them.  St. Peter gave a deep sigh and commented, “Castro is in hell for just ten minutes and already we have refugees…!”

 

Next Meeting – 6th September 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 6th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Manhattan Project: Chain Reaction which is a quick little filler card game where players are trying to design bombs using scientists to convert yellowcake into pure uranium.  We have chosen this lighter game so that we have lots of flexibility in choosing what to play for the rest of the evening.

The Manhatten Project: Chain Reaction
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of scientists…

A group of wealthy investors asked three scientists to help them predict the outcome of a horse race.  First they asked a biologist who said they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take two hundred years and £100bn. Next they asked a statistician who reported that he could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of £100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time.

Finally, the investors asked a physicist. He said he could also predict the outcome of any race, and that his process was cheap and very simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The physicist went on, “We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere…”

Next Meeting – 23rd August 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 23rd August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Abluxxen (also known as Linko!), which is a quick little card-collecting filler game, with foxy art-work and plenty of opportunity to have a go at other players.  We have chosen this lighter game so that we have lots of flexibility in choosing what to play for the rest of the evening.

Abluxxen
– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of foxes…

On his way home from work, Jeff found a fox cub on the side of the road.  It wasn’t going to survive the night on its own so Jeff picked it up and put it in his pocket and took it home.  When he got in, Jeff’s wife noticed the little creature straight away and he had to ‘fess up, telling her he was going to keep it as a pet.

“But where are you going to keep it?” she asked.

Jeff thought for a moment, and then replied, “Why, in the bedroom.”

His wife wasn’t pleased, “What about that horrid smell though?” she asked.

“Oh,” answered Jeff, “I got used to it, I’m sure he will too…”

Next Meeting – 9th August 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 9th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Orléans, which is a “bag-building” game where players are trying to gain supremacy through trade, construction and science in medieval France.  It is not a terribly difficult game to understand, though it has quite a bit of depth.

Orléans
– Image used with permission of BGG contributor punkin312

And speaking of the Orléans…

When Jeff was a little boy he would say his prayers before he went to sleep.  Every night he would kneel by his bed and say, “Please God, bless mummy and Daddy and all the other children, Amen.”

Then one night, as his father walked past his bedroom door he heard Jeff say, “Please God, bless mummy and Daddy and all the other children and make Orléans the capital of France, Amen.”

Jeff’s father couldn’t resist, so he went into his son’s bedroom and asked, “Jeff, why do you want Orléans to be the capital of France?”

Jeff replied, “Because that’s what I wrote in my geography test…”

Next Meeting – 26th July 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 26th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week, to celebrate it winning the Spiel des Jahres Award, the “Feature Game” will be Codenames.   This is a very popular word-based deduction game played in teams of “Spies” who are trying to identify the other spies on their side.  The idea is that the team leader gives clues to the rest of their team who are trying to choose particular word-cards (code-names)  from an array.  The trick is for the leader to come up with a clue that covers multiple correct answers so that the rest of the team can identify the complete set before the opposition identify all theirs.  It is very quick to play so we can move onto something a little heavier, possibly even Isle of Skye, the winner of this year’s Kennerspiel des Jahres, or one of the other nominees, like Imhotep or Karuba.

Codenames
– Image used with permission of boardgamephotos

And speaking of Spies…

Jeff was working as an intern for MI5 when, after a month doing some very tedious paperwork, he was summoned to his bosses office on the top floor.

“It’s all very funny,” his boss explained, “The CIA have asked for our help – seems they’ve lost track of an operative in Ireland, chap by the name of ‘Murphy’, do you think you would be able to find him?”

Jeff was very, very excited and very keen to get out of the office – his very own secret mission – Wow!  The chief spy continued, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland.  If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, ‘The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.’ If it’s really him, he’ll answer, ‘Yes, and for mist at noon as well’.”

So Jeff got on the next plane to Ireland and stopped in a bar in a small town. He casually said to the bartender, “Maybe you can help me. I’m looking for a guy named Murphy.”

The bartender replied, “You’re going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There’s ‘Murphy the Baker’ who runs the pastry shop on the next block; ‘Murphy the Banker’ who’s president of our local savings bank; ‘Murphy the Blacksmith’ who works at the stables, and, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too.”

Hearing this, Jeff figured he might as well try the code words on the bartender, so he said, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.” To which the bartender replied, “Oh, you’re looking for ‘Murphy the Spy’ – he lives just down the street.”

Next Meeting – 12th July 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 12th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Puerto Rico, which is an older game, and in many ways the archetypal Euro game.  The idea is that players assume the role of colonial governor on the island of Puerto Rico with the aim of amassing victory points by constructing buildings and shipping goods to Europe.  This game was first demonstrated at Essen fifteen years ago in 2001 and for many years occupied a seemingly unassailable position at the top of the rankings on the BoardGameGeek website.

Puerto Rico
– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of shipping…

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.  This captain was very successful at what he did and for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.  Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him.  He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.  However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual.  He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe.  In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside.  He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it a treasure map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One sad day the captain died at sea.  After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters.  He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and turned pale.  After a moment, he showed the paper to the others.  On it were just four words:

Port Left
Starboard Right

Next Meeting – 28th June 2016

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 28th June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Concordia, which is a strategic game of economic development in Roman times where players must rely on their advanced planning and consideration of opponent’s moves rather than luck of dice rolling or card draws.  A longer game where time is strongly dependent on the number of players, we have several copies within the group, so we can play multiple games simultaneously if there is demand.

Concordia
– Image used with permission of BGG contributor jsper

And speaking of Romans…

Jeff was still working in the bar when, much to his surprise a Roman soldier walked in in full regalia.  He stood at the bar and stiffly waited until Jeff had finished serving and asked him what he would like.

“A Martinus please,” replied the Roman.

“You mean a Martini don’t you sir?” Jeff asked a little confused.

The Roman answered, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”