Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 30^th June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Batavia, which is a game about merchants visiting the trading posts of the five East India companies all over Asia.

– Image by BGG contributor LanaDove

And speaking of traders…

A successful trader parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office ready to show it off to his colleagues.  As he prepared to get out a juggernaut went past, too close and completely tore off the driver’s side.  The trader immediately grabbed his mobile and dialled 999.  It wasn’t more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming how his car, which he just picked up that day, was completely ruined and would never be the same again. After the trader finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe how materialistic you traders are,” he said.  “You’re so focused on your possessions you don’t notice anything else.”

“How can you say that?” asked the trader.

The policeman replied, “Didn’t you realise that your arm is missing from your elbow down? It was looks like it was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The trader looked down in absolute horror.  “$%#*@!” he screamed, “Where’s my Rolex?!?!?!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 16^th June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Evolution, which is a game where players adapt their species in a dynamic ecosystem where food is scarce and predators lurk to ultimately out-evolve other players’ dinosaurs to win the most food… and the game.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor henk.rolleman

And speaking of evolution…

One day, Jeff was discussing evolution with two other engineers, when one of them brought up the question of who designed the human body.  Jim insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.
John disagreed, and exclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body as the system of levers and pulleys is ingenious.

“No,” Jeff said, “You’re both wrong,” and the others waited for Jeff’s usual pearls of wisdom.  “The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 2^nd June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Bania, which was reviewed in the latest edition of the SpielBox magazine.  This is a game of resource management and tile laying, with elephants…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor henk.rolleman

And speaking of elephants…

One day, Jeff’s young cousin Joe asked him, “How do you put an elephant in the fridge?” Jeff replied, “I don’t know, how DO you put an elephant in the fridge?”

Joe replied, “You open the door and put it in, silly!”

“Oh.” said Jeff said, only to find that Joe hadn’t finished.  Joe went on, “How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”  Jeff thought he’d got it now, and responded, “I know this one, you open the door and put it in.”

Joe shook his head, “No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and THEN you put it in.”

There was a moment’s pause while both Jeff and Joe thought about it, then Joe asked another question, “If all the animals except one went to the lions birthday party, which one was it that didn’t go?”  Jeff was totally confused by this one, “The lion?” he answered.

“No!  Why wouldn’t the lion go to his own birthday party?  It’s the giraffe of course, because he’s still in the fridge.” Before Jeff could comment, Joe went on, “If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross it, how would you?”  By this time, Jeff was struggling with Joe’s stream of questions, but as the dutiful uncle, he replied “You’d walk over the bridge.”

Joe was quick to correct him, “Nah, you would swim across, because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 19^th May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Machi Koro, which has just been nominated for the Spiel des Jahres.  This card game is a sort of cross between The Settlers of Catan and Dominion, where players take the role of mayor and roll dice and choose cards in order to make it the most successful town.

– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of mayors…

Jeff was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling Boris as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed at Jeff and said, “Will you please stand up and tell the audience what YOU have ever done for the good of the city.”

“Well Mr. Mayor,” Jeff replied in a firm voice, “I voted against you in the last election.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 5^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Settlers of Catan.  Often the feature is a new game that people want to play, but this is an older game, celebrating its 20^th anniversary this year.  “Settlers” was a pioneering game as it has a trading phase that keeps everyone involved throughout.  Players then use the resources to build roads, settlements and cities, but must beware the robber who can attack at any time…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor kilroy_locke

And speaking of robbers…

Jeff was really short of money, so he decided that he had to take desperate measures.  He got out a balaclava and broke into a bank.  When he got in, he pointed his gun at the cashier said, “Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!”

Despite looking down the barrel of a gun, the cashier couldn’t help laughing and said, “I think you meant to say ‘HISTORY’.”

Very stressed by it all failing to go according to plan, Jeff answered angrily, “Don’t change the subject…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 5^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Settlers of Catan.  Often the feature is a new game that people want to play, but this is an older game, celebrating its 20^th anniversary this year.  “Settlers” was a pioneering game as it has a trading phase that keeps everyone involved throughout.  Players then use the resources to build roads, settlements and cities, but must beware the robber who can attack at any time…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor kilroy_locke

And speaking of robbers…

Jeff was really short of money, so he decided that he had to take desperate measures.  He got out a balaclava and broke into a bank.  When he got in, he pointed his gun at the cashier said, “Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!”

Despite looking down the barrel of a gun, the cashier couldn’t help laughing and said, “I think you meant to say ‘HISTORY’.”

Very stressed by it all failing to go according to plan, Jeff answered angrily, “Don’t change the subject…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 21^st April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Black Fleet.  This was one of the games brought back from Essen last year and is a beautiful game involving skulduggery on the high seas.  The game involves pirates, merchants and naval vessels all seeking glory and fortune in the Caribbean.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor Toynan

And talking of pirates…

Pirate Jeff walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, Jeff, I haven’t seen you in ages – What happened, you look terrible!”

“What d’ya mean?” replied Jeff, “I’m fine.”

“But,” The bartender stammered, “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Arrrr, well,” said pirate Jeff, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and Oi’m fine, really.”

“Yeah,” responded the bartender, “And what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you definitely had both hands.”

“Arrrr, well,” said the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. Oi was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and Oi feel great, really.”

“Oh,” said the bartender more than a little taken aback.  “And then there’s your eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

“Arrr, well,” said pirate Jeff, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. Oi looked up, and one of dropped one in me eye.”

The bartender thought for a moment and then continued, “So, what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird lime!”

“Arrrr, well,” said pirate Jeff looking slightly embarrassed, “Oi really wasn’t used to the hook yet…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 7^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Harbour.  This is a market driven card game where the players are building up an inventory of goods to sell which can be used to buy buildings.  The innovative part of the game is the market which is constantly changing.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor landofhov

And talking of investing in the markets…

Jennifer and Josephine were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, they discovered the voice was coming from a frog.  “Help me!  I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch’s curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”

Josephine grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. Jennifer was aghast, “Didn’t you hear him?” she asked.  “If you kiss him, you can change him back!”

Josephine replied, “Of course I did, but a talking frog is worth so much more than an investment banker!”

Due to work commitments, child-minding and other factors, we have decided to cancel the meeting this week.  Our next meeting will be Tuesday 7^th April and more details will follow nearer the time.

– Image of unknown origin

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 10^th March, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Dominion.  This is a card game where the players are monarchs, ruling a small pleasant kingdom of rivers and evergreens trying to build a bigger and more pleasant kingdom, with more rivers and a wider variety of trees – a Dominion in fact.  In all directions lie fiefs and freeholds, all small bits of land, controlled by petty lords and verging on anarchy.  Each player is trying to bring civilization to these people, uniting them under their banner hiring minions, constructing buildings, sprucing up their castle, and filling the coffers of their treasury.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor Ceryon

And talking of Kings squabbling over kingdoms…

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.  There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years.  Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.  The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food.  The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires.  Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.

At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (it was far too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).  The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

Thus it was proved that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides…