Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 19^th May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Machi Koro, which has just been nominated for the Spiel des Jahres.  This card game is a sort of cross between The Settlers of Catan and Dominion, where players take the role of mayor and roll dice and choose cards in order to make it the most successful town.

– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of mayors…

Jeff was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling Boris as he delivered a long speech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed at Jeff and said, “Will you please stand up and tell the audience what YOU have ever done for the good of the city.”

“Well Mr. Mayor,” Jeff replied in a firm voice, “I voted against you in the last election.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 5^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Settlers of Catan.  Often the feature is a new game that people want to play, but this is an older game, celebrating its 20^th anniversary this year.  “Settlers” was a pioneering game as it has a trading phase that keeps everyone involved throughout.  Players then use the resources to build roads, settlements and cities, but must beware the robber who can attack at any time…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor kilroy_locke

And speaking of robbers…

Jeff was really short of money, so he decided that he had to take desperate measures.  He got out a balaclava and broke into a bank.  When he got in, he pointed his gun at the cashier said, “Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!”

Despite looking down the barrel of a gun, the cashier couldn’t help laughing and said, “I think you meant to say ‘HISTORY’.”

Very stressed by it all failing to go according to plan, Jeff answered angrily, “Don’t change the subject…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 5^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Settlers of Catan.  Often the feature is a new game that people want to play, but this is an older game, celebrating its 20^th anniversary this year.  “Settlers” was a pioneering game as it has a trading phase that keeps everyone involved throughout.  Players then use the resources to build roads, settlements and cities, but must beware the robber who can attack at any time…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor kilroy_locke

And speaking of robbers…

Jeff was really short of money, so he decided that he had to take desperate measures.  He got out a balaclava and broke into a bank.  When he got in, he pointed his gun at the cashier said, “Give me all your money, or you’ll be GEOGRAPHY!”

Despite looking down the barrel of a gun, the cashier couldn’t help laughing and said, “I think you meant to say ‘HISTORY’.”

Very stressed by it all failing to go according to plan, Jeff answered angrily, “Don’t change the subject…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 21^st April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Black Fleet.  This was one of the games brought back from Essen last year and is a beautiful game involving skulduggery on the high seas.  The game involves pirates, merchants and naval vessels all seeking glory and fortune in the Caribbean.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor Toynan

And talking of pirates…

Pirate Jeff walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, Jeff, I haven’t seen you in ages – What happened, you look terrible!”

“What d’ya mean?” replied Jeff, “I’m fine.”

“But,” The bartender stammered, “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Arrrr, well,” said pirate Jeff, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit me leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and Oi’m fine, really.”

“Yeah,” responded the bartender, “And what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you definitely had both hands.”

“Arrrr, well,” said the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. Oi was in a sword fight and me hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and Oi feel great, really.”

“Oh,” said the bartender more than a little taken aback.  “And then there’s your eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

“Arrr, well,” said pirate Jeff, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. Oi looked up, and one of dropped one in me eye.”

The bartender thought for a moment and then continued, “So, what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird lime!”

“Arrrr, well,” said pirate Jeff looking slightly embarrassed, “Oi really wasn’t used to the hook yet…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 7^th April, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Harbour.  This is a market driven card game where the players are building up an inventory of goods to sell which can be used to buy buildings.  The innovative part of the game is the market which is constantly changing.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor landofhov

And talking of investing in the markets…

Jennifer and Josephine were walking through the forest when they hear this voice from under a log. Investigating, they discovered the voice was coming from a frog.  “Help me!  I am an investment banker who, through an evil witch’s curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”

Josephine grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. Jennifer was aghast, “Didn’t you hear him?” she asked.  “If you kiss him, you can change him back!”

Josephine replied, “Of course I did, but a talking frog is worth so much more than an investment banker!”

Due to work commitments, child-minding and other factors, we have decided to cancel the meeting this week.  Our next meeting will be Tuesday 7^th April and more details will follow nearer the time.

– Image of unknown origin

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 10^th March, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Dominion.  This is a card game where the players are monarchs, ruling a small pleasant kingdom of rivers and evergreens trying to build a bigger and more pleasant kingdom, with more rivers and a wider variety of trees – a Dominion in fact.  In all directions lie fiefs and freeholds, all small bits of land, controlled by petty lords and verging on anarchy.  Each player is trying to bring civilization to these people, uniting them under their banner hiring minions, constructing buildings, sprucing up their castle, and filling the coffers of their treasury.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor Ceryon

And talking of Kings squabbling over kingdoms…

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake.  There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years.  Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.  The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.

The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food.  The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires.  Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.

At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.

When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (it was far too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).  The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms.

Thus it was proved that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides…

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 24^th February, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Niagara. This is a slightly more in-depth “pick-up and deliver” type game with players constantly fighting the movement of the river as well as each other.  Basically, players are trying to collect gems by travelling up and down the river, however, they must beware of the ever-changing flow of the river, which can carry little canoes over the falls and turn them into match-wood…

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor William Hunt

And talking of Niagara Falls…

Jeff and his cousin Joe were on holiday together in the USA, and decided to go and see Niagara Falls.  During the day they had a ride in a little boat and admired the spectacular cataract and they finished the day in a bar.  After a few drinks, Jeff issued his cousin a challenge, “I bet you £500 that you can’t carry me across the falls using a tightrope.”  Now Joe never could resist a challenge and, since he had been learning to tight-rope walk (and he’d also had a few drinks of course), he accepted the challenge.

The next morning, still hung-over, Jeff and Joe got up early to make the crossing.  After a bit of head-scratching, they managed to set up the tight-rope and Joe began to carry Jeff across the river.  After a very scary half hour, Joe managed to stagger safely across carrying Jeff, and Jeff grudgingly paid the £500.

“That was very close,” Jeff said. “When you wobbled at about halfway, I was sure I’d won; the car is on the other side of the river, double or quits?”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 10^th February, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Takenoko. The story goes that the Chinese Emperor offered the Japanese Emperor a giant panda bear as a symbol of peace, so the Japanese Emperor entrusted his court (the players) with the difficult task of caring for the animal by tending to his bamboo garden.  So players have to cultivate and irrigate land and grow bamboo with the help of the Imperial gardener.  The winner is the player who manages the land best and grows the most bamboo to satisfy the panda’s appetite.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor nad24 and nonsensicalgamers.com

And talking of Pandas…

Jeff walked into a bar with his pet panda. It was about 5 pm, but Jeff liked his drink and was ready for a good night. They started off slowly, watching the sport on the TV, drinking beer and eating peanuts.  As the night went on, they moved on to mixed drinks, and then shots, one after the other.

Finally, the Landlord called, “Last orders!” So, Jeff asked for one last drink for himself and one for his panda.  The landlord duly set them up and Jeff and the panda knocked them back.  Suddenly, the panda staggered and dropped down dead.  Jeff, more than a little tipsy, threw some money on the bar, put on his coat and started to leave.

The bartender, yelled, “Hey, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.”

Jeff replied, “That’s not a lion, that’s a panda.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 27^th January, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be the card game Saboteur. This is a quick game that we’ve played before, where players are dwarves working together digging tunnels to find gold.  But there is a catch – there is a saboteur in their midst…!  The game is quite quick and great fun with a crowd, so chosen this game so that we can play something a little longer afterwards.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor mothertruckin

And talking of tunnels…

Tenders were invited from various construction companies for the building of a replacement for the Channel Tunnel.  Jeff had been working in construction and, as his workload was light, when he came across an advert, he decided apply.

On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Jeff’s tender was the lowest.  Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, but Jeff had offered to do the job for just £10,000.  Under EU ruling, the tender had to go to the lowest bidder, which put Jeff in the hot seat.  However, before giving the works order to Jeff, the civil servant in charge asked Jeff as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget.

Jeff said,”Look, there’s me and there’s my brother Joe.  We will take two shovels and I will start digging from English bank and Joe will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel.”

The dumbstruck officer asked with courage,”And if you don’t meet?”

Jeff replied,”Then you will get two tunnels for the same price.”