The next meeting is on Tuesday 19^th February playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

Since we didn’t play it last time, the “Feature Game” will be For Sale, which is a quick, fun game about buying and selling real estate, where players first bid for several buildings then, after all buildings have been bought, sell the buildings for the greatest profit possible.  We chose this game as we would like to play something a little more substantial that would depend heavily on who comes along (possible games include, Village, Niagara, Mystery of the Abbey, Vasco da Gama, Keyflower and Snowdonia).

And talking about selling things…

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bully his way into a woman’s home in a rural area.

“This machine is the best ever,” he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.

The woman says she’s really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman responds, “If this machine doesn’t remove all the dust completely, I’ll lick it off myself.”

“Do you want ketchup on it?” she says, “We’re not connected for electricity yet…”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 5^th February playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be For Sale, which is a quick, fun game about buying and selling real estate, players first bid for several buildings then, after all buildings have been bought, sell the buildings for the greatest profit possible.  We chose this game as we would like to play something a little more substantial that would depend heavily on who comes along (possible games include, Village, Niagara, Mystery of the Abbey, Vasco da Gama, Keyflower and Snowdonia).

And talking about selling property…

Jeff was selling his house, and went to the estate agent left the matter in his hands.

Over the next two days the agent took photographs of the house and wrote a description that made wonderful reading.

After Jeff had read it, he turned to the agent and asked, “Is that everything there?”

The agent responded, “Well, I think so, what do you think I’ve missed?”

Jeff replied, “Why nothing, but you can cancel the sale… the house is much too good to part with!”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 22^nd January playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Tutto, which is a quick press your luck game with dice rolling and cards.  We chose this as we would like to play something a little more substantial that would depend heavily on the number of players that come along (possible games include, Vasco da Gama, Village, Niagara, Mystery of the Abbey and Snowdonia).

And talking of dice…

An A-Level student called Joe was sitting his General Studies multiple choice paper.

The invigilator told the students they could start and Joe opened the paper and started throwing the dice to select his answers. The invigilator gave Joe a long look, but he could see nothing in the rules to forbid it:  it is not uncommon for students to try their luck and, he supposed, this was an extreme example.

Very soon Joe had finished his paper and put his head on his arms on the desk and fell asleep.

About half an hour before the end of the exam, Joe sat up suddenly, and started throwing his dice again. This time the invigilator was unable suppress his curiosity, and approached the Joe.

“Why are you rolling  the dice again – you finished the questions in the first few minutes!” he said.

Joe replied, “Well sir, you always say we have to double check our answers…”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 8^th January playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Ticket to Ride, which is a train game where players compete to make routes connecting cities.  There are lots of different variations of this game, so we can choose which one we fancy on the night, depending on who comes.

And talking of trains…

Barek Obama, George Bush Jr., an elderly lady, and a well-endowed, young woman were travelling together on a train.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.  When the train emerges from the tunnel, Barek Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks, “Obama must have groped the young lady in the dark, and she slapped him.”

The young lady thinks, “Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady instead and she slapped him.”

Obama thinks, “Bush must have groped the young lady in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.”

George Bush thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can slap Obama again.”

With Christmas day and New Years day both falling on a Tuesday (and players valuing playing games with their family more than with other GOATS – can’t imagine why!) we have decided to have an extrordinary meeting on THURSDAY 27^th December.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be PitchCar, which is a gorgeous, dexterity car-racing game.

And talking of cars…

A policeman sees an elderly woman driving incredibly slowly on the motorway, so he pulls along side and notices her knitting in the driver’s seat.  She remains focussed on the road and keeps knitting and driving.

He beeps his horn to get her attention, but she is oblivious and carries on.

Getting more frustrated, he turns his siren on and, as she finally notices him, he signals for her to wind the window down.

After a time she finds the button and down goes the window.

Incensed, the cop yells, “PULL OVER!”

“Oh, no sweetie,” she replies.  “It’s a scarf, see?”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 11^th December playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Alhambra, where players are architects, seeing who can build the greatest palace.

And talking of architects…

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts down, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field between 40 & 41 degrees latitude and 120 and 124 degrees West longitude.”

“You must be an Architect,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” responds the man, “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of absolutely no use to me and I still don’t know where I am.”

The man retorts, “You must be a contractor.”

“Well yes,” replies the balloonist, “But how did you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve made a promise that you can’t keep, but now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in the same position as you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”