Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 14^th June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Pi mal Pflaumen, which is a trick-taking card game with elements of set collecting and lovely artwork.  Players simultaneously play cards and then claim one of the played fruit cards based on the strength of the card that they played. Each card depicts a fruit, and a scoring pattern or a special action.  At the end of the game players tally their points based on completed contracts and whoever has the highest score wins.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of fruit…

Jeff was working in a bar when a duck walked in and asked, “Got any grapes?”  Jeff, very confused by this, told the duck that no the bar didn’t serve grapes. The duck thanked him politely and left.

The next day, the duck returned and again said, “Got any grapes?” Again, Jeff politely explained that no, the bar did not serve grapes, never had served grapes, and, furthermore, probably never would serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, fluffed his feathers slightly. thanked him and left.

After a week of this, Jeff was beginning to lose patience.  So, one day, when the duck came in, before it could say anything, Jeff started, “Listen, duck, this is a bar: we do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your beak to the bar, got it?”

The duck was silent for a moment, and then asked, “Got any nails?” Totally confused, Jeff replied, “No…”  Before he could get any further, however, the Duck continued,  “Good. Got any grapes?”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 31^st May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Vanuatu, in which players are striving to be the most prosperous islanders in the archipelago.  The game is a mixture of role selection and worker placement with a couple of little nasty twists thrown in for good measure.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor henk.rolleman

And speaking of the Vanuatu archipelago…

Jeff was visiting the island of Gaua for a holiday.  He had got up late and was looking for a mid morning snack when he saw a little local shop.  Jeff walked and asked the cashier, “How much are your doughnuts?”

“Oh, they are only ten vatus, sir,” she replied smiling.

Jeff thought for a moment, looking round, “So what about the coffee?”

The cashier continued smiling, “Why, it is only five vatus and refill is free.”

Jeff paused as he considered the complicated maths, then, very pleased with himself, he took out a ten vatus coin and handed it to the cashier saying, “One doughnut and one refill, please.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 17^th May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Cargo Noir, in which players represent “families” that traffic in smuggled goods in a 1950s noir setting.  Once players have collected goods, they can trade them in to add more ships to their fleet, allowing them to scout for wares in more locations, purchase victory spoils, or take other actions. The more goods collected, the more valuable they can be. The player with the most spoils at the end wins.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor Toynan

And speaking of the smugglers…

Jeff was working as a border guard checking people crossing from the USA into Mexico.  One morning, José arrived at the border on his bike with two huge bags over his shoulders. Jeff stopped him and asked, “What’s in the bags?”

“Senior, It’s only sand.” replied José.

“Sand???” answered Jeff incredulously. “Well, we’ll just see about that – get off the bike!”

The guard took the bags, ripped them open, emptied them out and found nothing in them… except sand.  Detaining José overnight, the sand was analysed, but only to discover it was in fact simply sand.  In the morning, José was released, the sand was put into new bags and placed on José’s shoulders, and he was let across the border.

The next day, the same thing happened. Jeff asked, “What have you got there?”

“Sand,” answered José again. A thorough examination of the bags again showed there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently José was allowed to continue across the border. For a whole year this continued until one day José didn’t show up, and Jeff discovered him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey,” said Jeff, “I know you were smuggling something. For a year it’s driven me crazy. It’s all I can think about… I can’t get sleep – even the dog thinks I’m beginning to lose it! I’m not working on the border any more, so just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Jose sipped his beer, smiled and replied, “Bicycles…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 3^rd May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Cheesonomics, which is a strategic set collecting, hand management card game based on controlling and manipulating the supply and demand of various types of cheese.  It plays quite quickly, so it should give us plenty of time to play something a bit longer once everyone has arrived.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of the cheese…

Joe and Jeff were in a bar having drinks when a beautiful young woman approached them and said, “Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can be my date for the evening.”

The boys thought their luck was in and Joe, quick off the mark said, “I love liver and cheese!”  Before the woman could reply though, Jeff interrupted, “Liver alone, cheese mine!”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 19^th April at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Colosseum, which is an older game where each player is a Roman impresario – producing great spectacles in his or her arena in the hopes of attracting the most spectators.  It has beautiful pieces and is currently out of print though a crowdfunding project has just finished that will hopefully mean it will become available again soon.

– Image by BGG contributor takras

And talking of Romans…

Julius Caesar was addressing the crowd in the Colosseum, “Friends, Romans and countrymen. I have returned from my campaign in France where I killed 50,000 Gauls!”

The crowd rose to its feet cheering, “Hail mighty Caesar!”

At this point Brutus jumped up and yelled, “Caesar lies – I’ve discovered he only killed 25,000!”

Caesar replied, “Yes, but remember that away Gauls count double in Europe.”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 5^th April at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Agricola, which is a highly regarded game about medieval farming   This is slightly heavier game than some of our previous Feature Games, but supports different levels of complexity from the “family” version to more advanced versions, so we can play a level that is appropriate to the people that turn up.

– Image by boardGOATS

And talking of farming…

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of wheat.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Jeff, forget your troubles. Come in and have tea, I’ll help you sort out that wagon later.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Jeff answered, “But I don’t think Dad would like me to.”

“Aw come on Jeff, a bite to eat will give us the strength we need,” the farmer insisted.

“Well OK,” Jeff finally agreed, and added, “But Dad won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Jeff thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad is going to be very upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” the neighbour said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 22^nd March, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Glen More, which is a tile laying game set in the seventeenth century highlands.  The game has an unusual turn order mechanic (similar to that in Tokaido) as well as a novel scoring system and was chosen following the success of Isle of Sky: From Chieftain to King.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of Scottish Glens…

When Sandy MacGregor came back from his first trip to London, everyone in the Glen was keen to find out how he had got on.

“So bonny lad, did ee like it?” one elder asked over a wee dram.

“Oh, it was no’ bad, really,” commented Sandy, who was busy thinking about other things.

“As good as that, was it?” came the dry response.

” Well,” Sandy expanded, more thoughtfully, “There was just the one thing wrong. The other guests in ma hotel just would nee go to their beds. They were in the corridor ootside ma room shouting and banging on ma door until three o’clock in the morning.”

“So what did you dae, Sandy?” the elder asked.

Sandy shrugged, “Och, I just kept on playing ma bagpipes.”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 23^rd February, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Kobayakawa, which is a Japanese micro-filler game in the mould of Love Letter.  We have chosen this game as it will leave plenty of time for something a little longer and we can choose what to play based on the people who are there.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of Japan…

Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving, if anything, it’s getting worse.  Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, it was announced today that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches and Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and five hundred jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is also something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal…

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 9^th February, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Ticket to Ride, which, despite being from the USA is a poster child for modern, family-friendly, Euro-style games.  The game is based on a simple set collecting mechanic which players then use to build routes across a map in order to complete tickets.  Winner of the Spiel des Jahres in 2004, there are a lot of variants and expansion maps available.  So, since it is pancake night and there are likely to be some late arrivals, we thought we would go for a game that most people know, but where people can also try something new if they want to.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of trains…

Jeff was travelling by train across Europe.  In Rome, an attractive young woman joined him in his compartment, so he engaged her in conversation.  He tried all his favourite chat-up lines and after a short while, the young Italian woman offered to show Jeff her legs if he gave her a two Euros. Utterly charmed by the flirty young lady, Jeff fished in their pockets for a two Euro coin and the girl pulled up her dress a bit to show her legs.

She could almost see Jeff’s tongue hanging out, so she went on, “If you give me ten Euros, I’ll show you my thighs.”  She hadn’t finished speaking before Jeff’s hand was in his wallet fishing for a note and his eyes were popping out on stalks as the girl pulled her dress up a little further reveal her legs in full.  Conversation continued, and Jeff couldn’t believe his luck when the young woman said, “If you will give me a hundred Euros, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”

Of course, Jeff couldn’t resist and almost without thinking he handed over the money.  The girl then turned to the window and pointed outside at a building they were passing, saying, “See, there in the distance? That’s the hospital where I had it done!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 26^th January, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Endeavor, which is a more complex game where each player represents a growing empire engaged in a glorious endeavor to expand their
influence and status at home and across the great oceans of the world.  Players earn glory by increasing their scores in Industry, Culture, Finance, and Politics, as well as by occupying cities, controlling connections between cities, and by holding certain Asset Cards and Building Tiles.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor matthew.marquand

And speaking of Captain Cook…

Jeff was at chic gathering and struggling to make polite conversation.  The person he was talking to was a psychiatrist, so, after a minute or two, Jeff asked him, “Would you mind telling me, how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?”

“Nothing is easier,” the doctor replied. “I ask him a simple question, which everyone should answer with no trouble at all. If he hesitates, that tells me just what I need to know.”

“What sort of question?” Jeff asked.

“Well,” replied the psychiatrist, “I might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'”

Jeff paused a minute and thought for a moment before he replied, “You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don’t know much about history.”