Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 9^th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Darjeeling.  This is a game about collecting and shipping crates of tea.  Each player has a tea-collector meeple which moves around an array of tiles, picking up tea.  When they have a set of complete tea chests, they can ship them, collecting bonuses for larger loads, but also for shipping the type of tea that is in the highest demand.  The game ends when a player gets to a hundred points.

And talking of tea…

Jeff and his girlfriend were at a tea tasting session.  The instructor explained, “Generally fresh tea smells very green, refreshing; if tea lacks freshness, it is likely you are getting little health benefit from your green tea.”

Jeff’s girlfriend asked, “What causes tea to go stale?”

The instructor replied, “When tea comes in contact with oxygen, it is oxidized.  So it is important to make sure you buy your tea from a good supplier, otherwise it might not have been stored in an airtight container on its boat ride from China.”

Jeff asked, “How long does it take to ship tea from China by boat?”

“Oolong Time!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 26^th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be The Speicherstadt.  This is an unusual auction card game where players compete for victory points, which come mainly from contracts (sets of resources) and special cards.  The game is set in Hamburg around 1900 where there was a unique complex of storehouses (Speicherstadt) and a network of canals and bridges forming a terminus for spices, coffee, tea and carpets from all over the world.  Players act as wholesaler at the heyday of the Speicherstadt acquiring shiploads for the storehouses and making profits selling selling them.  We played this game quite a bit a few months back and felt it was due for another outing.

And talking of Hamburgers…

Jeff was taking his new girlfriend out for lunch.  She ordered a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel and Jeff went for a hamburger.  There was a flurry of activity behind the counter, the chef spat into his hands, rubbed them against each other, grabbed a handful of ground beef and started rolling it into a ball.  He then spat on the grill, put the ball of minced beef under his armpit to make a patty and then started cooking it.

Jeff’s girlfriend looked at Jeff in horror and whispered, “That’s gross!”

Without thinking, Jeff replied, “That’s nothing, you should come in early in the morning and see how he makes bagels…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 12^th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be 7 Wonders.  This is a card-drafting game that we’ve played before a couple of times – firstly at Christmas when there were loads of us and it was complete chaos, then again a few weeks later with very few people which meant most people didn’t get the chance to play it.  So it’s time for another go.  In this game, players travel back in time to become leaders of one of the seven great cities of the Ancient World, gather resources, develop commercial routes, and affirm their military supremacy, ultimately making their city and its Wonder the most impressive.

And talking of travelling back in time…

Jeff and his American cousin, John-boy are shown a time machine which can see 50 years into the future.  They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

John-boy goes first, “What will the USA be like in fifty years time?”

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout.  He reads it out, “The country is in good hands under the new president, Jose Fernandez…. crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, and the economy is healthy. Vice President Jin Tao has declared Chinese language mandatory in all USA schools.  There are no worries.”

Jeff thinks, “It’s not bad, this time machine, I’ll have a bit of that.”  So he asks, “What will the UK be like in fifty years time?”

The machine whirls and beeps and goes into action again and once again, he gets a printout.  But Jeff just stupidly just stares at it.

“Come on, Jeff,” says John-boy, “It can’t be that bad – tell us what it says!”

“I can’t…” replied Jeff, “It’s all in Punjabi!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 29^th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be 6 Nimmt (aka Category 5 amongst other things).  We have chosen this game to celebrate its 29^th anniversary which is this year.  It is also a fairly quick, fun game of “bulls head collecting” that should be good to play as a warm up before we move on to something a little “meatier”.

And talking of bulls…

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

“I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my hundred cows,” said the first bull.

The second bull responded, “I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to my fifty cows – I’m keeping them all.”

The third bull added, “I’ve only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I worked hard for my cows and I’m keeping all ten of them.”

Just then an enormous cattle truck pulled up in the yard carrying the biggest bull they’ve ever seen.  At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp – the bulls can almost feel the ground shaking as he approached.

The first bull was first to react, “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend,” he says trying to look nonchalant.

The second bull added, “Yes, well, I actually have too many cows to take care of – I definitely can spare a few.  I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They looked over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

“Don’t be foolish son,” whispered the first bull,  “Let him have some of your cows and live to tell everyone about it.  It’s not worth fighting him for, really, it’s not!”

The third bull replied, voice shaking, “Hell, he can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 15^th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Camel Up (also known as Camel Cup).  We have chosen this game to celebrate the Spiel de Jahres (German Game of the Year) which was awarded yesterday to Camel Up.  It is a fairly quick, fun game of camel racing that should be good to play as a warm up before we move on to something a little “meatier”.

And talking of camels…

Two camels, a father and son are grazing peacfully.  The younger camel looks up to his father and says, “Dad!  Why do we have these giant humps on our backs?”  The father camel looks down at his young son and says, “Why, they are so we can travel for miles in the desert without stopping for water.”  The young camel looks astonished and says “Wow, I didn’t know that!”

A minute or so later, the younger camel pips up again, “Dad! Why do we have really thick eyelids?”  His father, slightly irritated at being disturbed from his grazing by his son’s curiosity, answers quickly, “So that our eyes are not scratched by sand storms.

“Wow!” the young camel replies and then a moment later, daddy camel hears his son again, “Dad!”

“What now!” his father asks clearly biting his tongue. His son asks, “Why do we have such huge feet, Dad?”

“Well son,” his father says in strained patience, “We need to tread through the sand and out feet are big so we can travel much easier.”

This time a few minutes pass before the father hears his son again.  Daddy camel, clearly agitated snaps, “What!?!?”

“Dad… What are we doing in a zoo then?”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 1^st July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Bohnanza.  This game is about bean farming which sounds very uninspiring when it is described, but is great fun and a game we’ve played a lot before and always enjoy.  We are playing it again because one of us has a new copy in Spanish, and we fancied playing it in a different language!

And talking of beans…

Jeff loved baked beans, but unfortunately they always had a somewhat lively effect on him.  After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up because he couldn’t imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.

On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he’d have to walk home. On his way, he walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, (and it was his birthday after all), he figured he could indulge, then walk off any ill effects. After three large portions, he walked home, jet propelled.

Jeff’s wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!”

She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the dining room table, making him promise not to peek. He sat down, but just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity to relieve the build-up of wind – it was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg.  He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.  He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on.

This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled even worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

When he heard his wife ending her conversation, Jeff neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!!!”

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 17^th June, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Snowdonia.  This game is one we’ve played before and is a worker-placement game about building the rack-railway up Mount Snowdon.  As in real life, the weather of the board game Snowdonia can be a real pain, so we are all looking forward to a summer’s evening of rain and fog…

And talking of Mount Snowdon…

A Russian spy was dropped by parachute on Mount Snowdon with instructions to contact a Mr. Jones who lived in Llanberis at the base of the mountain and give him the code message, “The tulips are blooming well today.”

On landing, the Russian followed the railway into town and asked a small boy where Mr. Jones lived.  The child directed him to a small cottage at the end of the village where he knocked at the door.

The owner emerged and the Russian asked, “Are you Mr. Jones?”

“I am,” the man replied.

The Russian trotted out his prepared lines, “The tulips are blooming well today.”

Mr. Jones stared at him in amazement and then smiled.  “Ah, you must have come to the wrong house – it’s Jones-the-Spy you want!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 20^th May, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Walk the Plank! which is a quick piratical game of disorganised chaos and fun.  As it is a fairly quick game, it will give us the opportunity to decide what longer games we would like to play once everyone has arrived.

And talking of the pirates…

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, Captain Jeff and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.  As the crew became frantic, the Captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.  Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.  The crew cowered in fear, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”

Once again the battle was on.  However, Captain Jeff and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.  Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.”

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.

The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.  Captain Jeff, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown trousers…!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 22^nd April, back at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.

As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.  However, to celebrate our return after the fire, some of us will be meeting early and sampling the new menu.  We will be there from 6.45pm; please feel free to join us.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Mascarade.  This is a relatively short game of bluffing that also challenges the memory.  It is a card game that everyone can join in with giving us the opportunity to decide what longer games we would like to play once everyone has arrived.

And talking of the mascarade…

Jeff and his wife were all dressed up and on their way to the mascarade ball, but were having difficulties finding a parking space.  After half an hour hunting, now late, Jeff says, “Lord take pity on us. If you find us a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking and partying.”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.  Jeff looked up again and said, “Never mind, I’ve just found one.”