Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 20^th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Bellz!, which is a game picked up from the Game Fair last week in Essen.  A manual dexterity game, it is not the usual sort of game we play, however, its very quick and is really just a place-holder for all the games brought back from Essen.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor SpeedD

And speaking of bells…

As Church Warden, Jeff was interviewing for a new bellringer for the cathedral carillon.  After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job.

Jeff was incredulous, “But you have no arms!” he exclaimed.

“No matter,” said the man, “Just observe…”

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, and a crowd had gathered outside the cathedral drawn by the beautiful music.  Then, suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

Jeff was horrified and ran down the stairs to the cathedral square, and rushed to the man’s side.  As the crowd parted, one of them voiced the thoughts of them all and asked Jeff, “Who was this man?”

“I don’t know his name,” Jeff replied sadly, “But his face rings a bell.”

The following day, despite the sadness weighing heavily in his heart following the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist Jeff continued his interviews for a new bellringer.

The first man to approach said, “I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch who fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.  I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.”

Jeff immediately agreed to give him an audition, and the armless man’s brother stooped to pick up a mallet, and then began to create the most wonderful melodies.  When he had finished, he turned to Jeff, suddenly groaned, clutched at his chest and dropped dead on the spot.

The vicar who was in the nave, hearing the Jeff’s cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. “What has happened?” he asked breathlessly, “Who is this man?”

“I don’t know his name,” sighed Jeff, distraught, “But he’s a dead ringer for his brother!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 6^th October, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Tokaido, which is a game where players are pilgrims crossing the Japanese “East sea road”, meeting people, tasting fine meals, collecting beautiful items, discovering great panoramas, and visiting temples.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor henk.rolleman

And speaking of pilgrims…

Two pilgrims were going hunting.  One of them, Joe, was struggling under the weight of the two blunderbusses he was carrying.  After a while, his companion, Jeff, asked, “Why are carrying two guns?”

Joe explained, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking a second gun I have a better chance of hitting it.”

Jeff thought about this for a while and then said, “Why not just take the second gun, and only shoot once?”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 22^nd September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Notre Dame, which is a slightly older Euro-game, where players juggle the two main resources, influence and money, in an effort to translate them into victory points.  While working to score points players have to carefully manage the threat posed by the rat population and avoid the potentially crippling plague.

– Image used with permission of BGG reviewer EndersGame

And speaking of the plague…

Jeff had been ill for a couple of days, so, convinced he was dying he went to the doctor.  The doctor ran a whole battery of tests and then him down and said, “I’m afraid you have bubonic plague.”

Jeff was shocked, but after a moment or two, he hopefully asked, “Doctor, can you do something?”

The doctor answered, “Well, you’ll have to stay in the hospital… and we’ll put you on a special diet of flounder, pizza, and pancakes.”

Jeff thought that didn’t sound so awful, but he was curious, “How is that diet going to cure me?”

The doctor replied, “Well, it isn’t, but those are the only foods we can slide under the door!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 8^th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Mystery of the Abbey, which is a deduction style boardgame where players take the role of monks in a monastery trying to discover who killed Brother Adelmo.

– Image by boardGOATS

And speaking of monks…

A young novice arrived at the monastery and was assigned to help the other monks copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.  After a while, he noticed that all the monks were copying from copies, rather than from the original manuscript. So, the young diligent novice went to see Abbot Jeffrey to question this and point out that if someone had made even a small error in the first copy, it would never have been picked up. In fact, he added that error would have been continued in all of the other subsequent copies.

Abbot Jeffrey said, “My son, we have been copying from copies for centuries, but you make a very valid point, I will look into it myself.”

So off he went down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where all the original manuscripts were held archived in a locked vault that hadn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours went by and nobody saw hide nor hair of the abbot.

The monks got a bit worried, so the young novice went down to look for Abbot Jeffrey and found him banging his head against the wall, wailing, “We missed the ‘R’, we missed the ‘R’…” His forehead was blooded and bruised and he was crying uncontrollably.

The young novice was horrified and asked the abbot, “Whatever’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, Abbot Jeffrey replied, “After all these years… the word was ‘Celebrate’!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 8^th September, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Mystery of the Abbey, which is a deduction style boardgame where players take the role of monks in a monastery trying to discover who killed Brother Adelmo.

– Image by BGG boardGOATS

And speaking of monks…

A young novice arrived at the monastery and was assigned to help the other monks copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.  After a while, he noticed that all the monks were copying from copies, rather than from the original manuscript. So, the young diligent novice went to see Abbot Jeffrey to question this and point out that if someone had made even a small error in the first copy, it would never have been picked up. In fact, he added that error would have been continued in all of the other subsequent copies.

Abbot Jeffrey said, “My son, we have been copying from copies for centuries, but you make a very valid point, I will look into it myself.”

So off he went down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where all the original manuscripts were held archived in a locked vault that hadn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours went by and nobody saw hide nor hair of the abbot.

The monks got a bit worried, so the young novice went down to look for Abbot Jeffrey and found him banging his head against the wall, wailing, “We missed the ‘R’, we missed the ‘R’…” His forehead was blooded and bruised and he was crying uncontrollably.

The young novice was horrified and asked the abbot, “Whatever’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, Abbot Jeffrey replied, “After all these years… the word was ‘Celebrate’!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 25^th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale. As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Eketorp, where players build Viking strongholds upon the Swedish island of Öland.  The winner will be the player who does Viking-type things best, including winning battles and pillaging.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor cuazzel

And talking of Vikings…

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, Jeff, who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census…”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 11^th August, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Port Royal, which is a light card game where players are trying to earn as much as they can from the Caribbean Sea, but if they set their goals too high, they might take home nothing for the day.

– Image used with permission of BGG contributor punkin312

And speaking of sailors…

It was a dark, stormy, night at sea and Jeff was on his first assignment on-board ship – guard duty.  The Captain stepped out taking his dog for a walk and Jeff, slightly nervous snapped to attention, made a near-perfect salute, and snapped out, “Good Evening, sir!”

The Captain, who was out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said, “Good evening Seaman, nice night, isn’t it?”  Well it wasn’t a nice night, but Jeff wasn’t going to disagree with the Captain, so Jeff saluted again and replied “Yes sir!”.

The Captain continued, “You know there’s something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it’s really relaxing. Don’t you agree?”  Jeff didn’t agree, but then he was just a seaman, so without hesitation, he responded, “Yes sir!”

Then the Captain, pointing at the dog said, “This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.” The Seaman glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said, ” Yes sir!”  The Captain continued, “I got this dog for my wife.” Without thinking, Jeff replied, “Good trade, sir!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 28^th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Last Will, which is basically the boardgame equivalent of the film “Brewster’s Millions”;  the idea is that in his last will, a rich gentleman stated that all of his millions would go to the nephew who could enjoy money the most.  In order to find out who that would be, each player starts with a large amount of money and whoever spends it first is the rightful heir, and winner.

– Image by BGG contributor cnidius

And speaking of wills…

Jeff’s latest girlfriend, Jill, was a trainee lawyer specialising in wills and probate.  One day, an elderly reclusive gentleman called the office and asked the receptionist about having a will prepared.  In the usual way, the receptionist suggested they made an appointment at a convenient time for the gentleman to come into the office.

The elderly gent replied, “You must understand, I’ve lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don’t like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?”

The receptionist checked with Jill who agreed and she went to the gentleman’s home for the meeting to discuss her estate and the will.  Jill’s first question was, “Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you’d like them to be distributed in the event of your passing?”

The elderly gentleman answered, “Besides the furniture and accessories you see here, I have £400,000 in savings.”

“OK,” said Jill, “So how would you like the £400,000 to be distributed?”

The gentleman replied, “Well, as I’ve told you, I’ve lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I’d like them to notice when I leave. I’d like to provide £350,000 for my funeral.”

Jill remarked, “Well, for £350,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you!”  She continued, “But tell me, what would you like to do with the remaining £50,000?”

The gentleman hesitated and eventually answered, “As you know, I’ve never married, I’ve lived alone almost my entire life, and in fact I’ve never slept with a woman.  Before I die, I’d like you to use the £50,000 to arrange for a woman to sleep with me.”  Jill was aghast, but there was something about the man that indicated he was in earnest.

“This is a very unusual request,” Jill said thinking quickly, “But I’ll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you.”

That evening, Jill was at telling her boyfriend, Jeff, about the eccentric recluse and his weird request.  After thinking about how much he could do with £50,000, Jeff persuaded Jill to agree to provide the service herself.

Jeff said, “For safety, I’ll drive you over tomorrow morning, and wait in the car until you’re finished.”  The next morning, he duly drove Jill to the recluse’s house and waited while she went inside.  He waited for over an hour, but Jill didn’t come out, so he tooted the car horn.

After a moment or two, the upstairs bedroom window opened, Jill stuck her head out and yelled, “Pick me up tomorrow – he’s going to let the state bury him!”

Our next meeting will be on Tuesday 14^th July, at the Horse and Jockey pub in Stanford-in-the-Vale.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Colt Express, which has just won the coveted Spiel des Jahres award.  This is a game that takes place in an amazing 3D train in which the bandits can move from one car to another, run along the roof, punch the other bandits, shoot them and rob the passengers.

– Image by BGG contributor lacxox

And speaking of train robbers…

Jeff was doing really well on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”. Surprisingly, he’d somehow got to £125,000 with all his lifelines, when Chris Tarrant asked the question.

“For £250,000 which of the following was one of the Great train robbers.”  Chris paused, “Take your time, was it Ronnie O’Sullivan, Ronnie Biggs, Ronnie Corbett or Ronnie Wood?”

Jeff replied quickly, “I’ll take the money Chris.”

Chris Tarrant looked surprised, “Are you sure, Jeff?” he asked, “You’ve still got all three 3 lifelines intact, why don’t you phone a friend first?”

Without hesitating, Jeff replied, “I’m sure Chris, I’ll take the money.”

Chris shrugged and went on, “OK audience, give Jeff a big round of applause.”  As the clapping stopped Chris added, “But before you go Jeff, I’m sure you’d like to know the answer.”

Jeff replied, “Oh, I know the answer…”

“You know the answer?” interrupted Chris Tarrant somewhat aghast, “You’ve just turned down a quarter of a million quid, are you mad?”

Jeff responded as he began to leave, “Oh, I may be mad Chris, but I’m no grass…”