Following the fire at the Jockey, our next meeting on Tuesday 9^th July will be held in a private house in Stanford.  Please get in touch if you would like to come along and would like directions.  As usual, we will be playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

In honour of the Jockey, we considered changing the “Feature Game” to Flash Point:  Fire Rescue.  However, we thought this could be considered bad taste so we decided to stick with our original plan of Agricola, which is about farming in the middle ages.  It is a game we played a few weeks ago, but we wanted to give it another go.

And talking of farming…

A few months ago a farmer was harvesting his crops.   He was driving his combine harvester through his field when he accidentally ran over a drunken asleep amongst the wheat.

There was blood, sovereign rings, Kappa tracksuit and Burberry all over the place.  It took him ages to sort the wheat from the chav…

The next meeting is on Tuesday 25^th June playing shorter games from 7.30 pm as people arrive, until 8 pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” is Incan Gold, which is a light “push-your-luck” card game where players are going down a mine and trying to get out with as many gems as possible before it collapses.  We’ve chosen this game as it is not too long, very accessible and we should be able to play two or three others suited to whoever turns up.

And talking of mining…

Jeff bought a Thermos flask for working down the pit because he was told it kept hot things hot, and cold things cold.

He proudly took it to work the next day and when they took a break his mate noticed the flask. “What’ve you got in there Jeff?  I could just do with a drop of tea!”

“Sorry,” Jeff said, “I’ve only got coffee and ice-pops in it…”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 11^th June playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” is Mission: Red Planet, which is about colonizing Mars.  In this game, each player is a colonial power which sends astronauts, in space shuttles, to occupy the most promising zones on the planet.  We’ve chosen this game as it is not too long and we should be able to play two or three others.

And talking of Mars…

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.  Only one person could go, and it was a one way trip.

The first applicant, an engineer, who was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“One million pounds”, he answered, “Because I wish to donate it to an educational trust.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million pounds.  “I would give a million to my family,” he explained, “And leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a politician.

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, “Three million pounds.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The politician replied, “One million is for you, I’ll keep one million, and we’ll give the engineer one million and send him to Mars.”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 28^th May playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be Agricola, which is a a highly regarded game about medieval farming   This is heavier game than a lot of our previous Feature Games, but supports many levels of complexity from the “family” version to more advanced versions, so we can play a level that is appropriate to the people that turn up.

And talking of farming…

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of wheat.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Jeff, forget your troubles. Come in and have tea, I’ll help you sort out that wagon later.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Jeff answered, “But I don’t think Dad would like me to.”

“Aw come on Jeff, a bite to eat will give us the strength we need,” the farmer insisted.

“Well OK,” Jeff finally agreed, and added, “But Dad won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Jeff thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad is going to be very upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” the neighbour said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 14^th May playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

This week the “Feature Game” will be a card game that we haven’t played before called Saboteur.  This is a quick game where players are dwarves working together mining for gold, but the catch is that there is a saboteur in their midst…  We’ve chosen this game so that we can play something longer that is appropriate to the people who come.

And talking of dwarves…

It was Snow White’s birthday, so the the Seven Dwarves clubbed together to get her a camera as a present.  When she opened it she was thrilled with such a generous gift and happily took lots of pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings.  The next day she took the film to be developed.

A week later she eagerly went to get the developed photos, but the shop assistant said the photos were not back from the processor yet.  Needless to say, she was very disappointed and started to cry.

The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry, someday your prints will come.”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 30^th April playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

Since we didn’t play it last time, the “Feature Game” will again be Ticket to Ride, which is a train game where players compete to make routes connecting cities.  We have chosen this as we are uncertain who will be coming, but we have a couple of new gamers showing an interest.  There are lots of different variations of this game, so it is very flexible and we can choose what variation to play depending on who comes.

And talking of trains…

Two brothers, Jeff and Joe were taking their first trip on a train.  After a couple of hours, a vendor came down the corridor with a trolley selling food.  Now Jeff and Joe had led a sheltered life and the man was selling bananas which they’d never seen before, so they bought one each.

Jeff eagerly peeled his banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.  When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at Joe and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”

“Why not?” asked his brother.

Jeff replied, “I took one bite of mine and went blind for half a minute.”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 16^th April playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will again be Ticket to Ride, which is a train game where players compete to make routes connecting cities.  We have chosen this as we are uncertain who will be coming, but as we have a couple of new gamers showing an interest.  There are lots of different variations of this game, so it is very flexible and we can choose what variation to play depending on who comes.

And talking of trains…

A man was on the northbound Caledonian night sleeper train.  Jeff, one of the attendants came and the man asked him for wake-up call, “I have to be off at Perth, I’m a heavy sleeper (no pun intended), but I must get off there. I want you to put me off, whatever I say.”

The next morning the man woke up at Inverness.  Extremely annoyed he found Jeff and gave him a piece of his mind.

After the man had left, somebody asked Jeff, “How could you stand there and take that kind of talk?”

“That’s nothing!” replied Jeff, “You should have heard the guy I put off at Perth!”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 2^nd April playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Coloretto, which is a simple card game where players have to collect sets of coloured chameleons.  We played it once before and have chosen it this time because we hope to have some new gamers and it is a very accessible game that is easy for new players to get to grips with.

And talking about chameleons…

One day, a pet chameleon called Jeff fell off a table.  Being only a small chameleon who was easily stressed and the drop being quite large, he got very anxious and needed a lot of calming down.

The next day, Jeff was quietly sunning himself on a window sill, when a dog jumped up and barked giving him a real fright so his owner had to calm him down again.

The day after that was Guy Fawkes’ Night and Jeff heard some fireworks go off outside, so he hid under the table and it was midnight before his owner could calm him down and coax him back out.

The following evening Jeff got all worried when his owner was a bit late feeding him and he needed to be calmed down before he could be fed.

About a week later Jeff got stuck in the back of a cupboard and was all alone for a few hours and it was dark and scary, so, once he’d found him, his owner need to calm him down again.

Yesterday Jeff fell off a table again, but these days he’s a calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon…

The next meeting is on Tuesday 19^th March playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Carcassonne, which is one of the classic “modern” games where players lay tiles and play “Meeples” to score points.  We chose this game as it is we hope to have some new gamers and this is a very accessible game that is easy for new players to get to grips with.  Equally, if the new players are unable to come, it can be a fairly quick game and played “nasty”…

And talking about tiles…

A builder was talking to his assistant Jeff, “I have a question for you Jeff.”

“OK,” replied Jeff, “What is it?”

“We’ll,” says his boss, “What’s the difference between a tile and a crocodile?”

Jeff, who hates riddles, sighed and rolled his eyes.  “I don’t know,” he answered, “What IS the difference between a tile and a crocodile?”

“That answers that question then,” says the builder, “I guess I’d better not send you to the hardware store!”

The next meeting is on Tuesday 5^th March playing shorter games from 7.30pm as people arrive, until 8pm when we will start something a little longer.

The “Feature Game” will be Nollkoll (aka Speedybag), which is a quick, fun game where players have to feel in their bag and match small plastic shapes with the pictures on a card.  We chose this game as it is similar to one of our most frequently played fillers, Dobble and we would like to play something a little more substantial that would depend heavily on who comes along (possible games include, Agricola, Village, Niagara, Mystery of the Abbey, Vasco da Gama, Keyflower and Snowdonia).

And talking about bags…

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors.

‘Doctor, I don’t feel too good,’ said the little paper bag.

‘Hmm, you look OK to me,’ said the Doctor, ‘But I’ll do a blood test and see what that shows.  Come back and see me in a couple of days.’

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.

‘What’s wrong with me?’ asked the little paper bag.

‘I’m afraid you are HIV positive!’ said the doctor.

‘No, I can’t be – I’m just a little paper bag!’ said the little paper bag.

‘Have you been having unprotected intercourse?’ asked the doctor.

‘NO, I can’t do things like that – I’m just a little paper bag!’ he replied, quite distressed.

“Well, have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?’ asked the doctor.

‘NO, I can’t do things like that – I’m just a little paper bag!’

‘Perhaps you’ve been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?’ queried the doctor.

‘NO, NO, I don’t have a passport – I’m just a little paper bag!’

‘Well,,’ said the doctor, ‘are you in a homosexual relationship?’

‘NO! I keep telling you I can’t do things like that, I”M JUST A LITTLE PAPER BAG!’

‘Then there can be only one explanation,’ said the doctor. “Your mother must have been a carrier.’